I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
