Betty ford says i'm here all night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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