it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
pop tarts are not kleenex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
