I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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