o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
