so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
