Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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