Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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