hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
