hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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