Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize