apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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