he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
