If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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