dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
