3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
