Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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