Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
