That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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