What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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