My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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