I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
