Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
