i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
