I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
