I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
