somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
