Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
