so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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