I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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