ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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