he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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