Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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