May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
