He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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