I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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