That's when you crack a 10am beer
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
