she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
