My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
