Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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