you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
