well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Terrible idea I love it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
