You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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