Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
