If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
