Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
