I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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