I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
