You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Are we still banned from the library?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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