I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
