don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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