There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
