why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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