Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
