i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
