she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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