We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
