I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
