If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In other news, I just burned my penis
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.