The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is