Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
