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• (305): View more from Florida

  If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness

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• (626): View more from California

  dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me

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• (315): View more from New York

  In other news, I just burned my penis

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• (707): View more from California

  One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.

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