I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been