Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.