That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
