but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
