I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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