Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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