every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
