I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
