My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
