I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize