oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
