don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
