OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
