maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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