Christians are straight up FREAKS
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
