My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
