When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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