The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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