just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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