The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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