Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
