i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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