True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
