im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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