Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
