Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
