I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
