just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
